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thankful we are!  We love you all very much!

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My first 3 babies came early.   

 Joshua was almost 3 weeks early.  Glory.  

I was never very good at waiting while pregnant.  Okay that is a bit of an understatement.   When we entered the last few weeks of pregnancy I ate pineapple, copious amounts of Mexican food, took long walks several times a day, jumped rope–yep–you read that right, drank gallons of raspberry tea, and employed a husband’s preferred method to bring about labor.  Pretty much if Google suggested it–I tried it…sans the caster oil…drinking black tar was going a bit too far even for me!

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Sometimes for an evening like this…less words and more laughter is best…

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There have been several thoughts bouncing around in my brain for weeks now.  Thoughts I have wondered out loud but mostly kept to myself. 

If you are ready for your head to spin a bit then come along down the rabbit hole.  Please know that like Alice, I do not fully understand all that I am saying and don’t pretend to understand what sometimes in this life feels like a dream–and at other times feels like a nightmare.  This is my very reason for my writing…

Monday night several friends hosted a wonderful “bon voyage” fund raising party for our family.  It was a night I will never forget–with a farm full of people that we love…lots of laughter, hay rides, food, and fun.  All weekend long Monday nights’ weather forecast was calling for RAIN.  All weekend long I refused to look at the reports.  It was a rain or shine event but there were not indoor accommodations so it would have really effected our guest list (never mind the over all mood) had there been showers or a downpour.  As of 12pm–Chris mentioned that it was calling for rain at 4pm.  (The start time of the party.)   One of the hosts came to help with my kids around 1:30pm and said, “it smells like rain.”   The rest of the day is history.  NO RAIN.   As a matter of fact there was not a cloud in the sky! 

At some point I wanted to stop and say, “has ANYONE noticed there has been NO RAIN today?”  My team of friends who hosted noticed.  They had been praying along with me…they knew what Greg Ficshel was saying.  At some point I had emailed our tribe of folks who pray for us and for our adoption, I shared with them the weather report and asked them to pray.  My faith exponentially increased after that evening.  It was amazing to see God come through in such a specific way. 

Often after something like this happens the natural response is:  “God is SO good.”  And he is…but would he have still been good if there was a torrential down pour?  Um…yes.  So this is where I start to get tangled up.

I believe that God wants us to pray specific prayers about specific things.  I believe that He wants us to have faith that He has the power to change the weather…or any circumstance for that matter.  Like big bold prayers of healing for family members or friends who are sick.   When our friend is healed–when they miraculously become cancer free we are sealed in our faith and quick to remind others to pray boldly and more specifically–to believe that miracles do happen.  But the crazy hard question is:  what happens when the friend dies?  Often our faith can become fractured.  Confused.  Isn’t God able…then why doesn’t He?   I know because I have faltered in my faith over this very type of pain. 

I realized recently in my prayer life that I desire to pray big bold prayers…but even subconsciously I hesitate.  I hate to ask God something that is out of his “will” or ask “too much” because ultimately I have decided I am going to follow and love him no matter the outcome.  (Like Peter I ask: “to whom shall I go?”)  But to me–it seems a tad safer to state my request with a BIG open-ended understanding that no matter what–I trust His answer–which may be very different than what I asked.  So I’ve notice that I lean toward the less-specific…it creates far less opportunity for my hopes to be dashed–and I have to do very little PR for God if he doesn’t “come through” the way I want or need him to.

But here’s the thing.  God doesn’t need me to do His PR.   Rain or shine it’s not my job to explain the circumstances away.  And less than 12 hours after our amazing sun-filled festivities ended–we received an email explaining that our court case had been pulled from the docket.  Youch.  Not forever…and not because of any details of the case–but because the judges are shifting and new judges are taking over jurisdictions.  (This is more complicated than I care to explain in this blog.)   Having said this we have tickets and are prepared to leave next Wednesday for UG.  What happens next is my choice.  Do I get really angry and bitter?  Do I get depressed or start to question and doubt that this is supposed to happen?  Do I go to worst case scenario?  Or do I pray big miracle prayers that somehow they sort through the details and we are still given a case close to our original date?  Do I pray that our flight can stay the same–saving us money on cancellation fees–AND we get to meet our children sooner?  Or do I listen to the words–“long court delays, slim chance” and other reports that are being given?   In other words–do I watch the weather report and worry–or do I pray and wait for sun?  Whew.  This another level of faith for me. 

I am continuing to pack.  I am continuing to pray.  I am continuing to hope that somehow–a miracle within the courts will occur and we will keep our appointments.   Instead of wanting to get in to God’s head and figure it all out–what it means that it was cancelled–what it means if it is not rescheduled in time… I am going to pray in faith for sunshine.  I am going to pray for a NEW court date…with the same judge…SOON.  A friend keeps reminding me that God is in the details…so I am going to pray specific detailed prayers and would love for you to join me. 

If it rains–it rains.  If we don’t go to court for 2 more months–then we don’t.  God is still good. 

A friend of mine who has traversed some deep waters in her young life inspires me often.  Her caringbridge entries are worth reading from beginning to end.  This specific entry is extremely inspiring as she asks/answers matters of the heart and speaks of how to live in the pain or disappointment of this world. 

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mikesweeney/journal/4/0

If you are still with me–thanks for letting me write–it truly is a place of healing and respite. 

We welcome your prayers…they are sustaining us and we feel them.

May You Be a Blessing and May You Be Blessed,

Jenni

The moment we received our referral we went in to hyper “nesting” mode…we started rushing around preparing our home and hearts for two more children.  In this process we started shifting bedrooms, reading loads of research about bonding and attachment, and devoting all of our mental energy in to being a home of 7.

We also realized that some of the financing of this adoption would be done differently than we had anticipated. As I mentioned in an earlier blog–we had planned to apply for many grants, and hoped to fund most of our adoption in this way.  The timing and quickness of our referral AND our court date has really limited our time frame to receive these types of grants.  We had heard of families that had raised their entire adoption with grants.    I love the idea of not being a burden on anyone!  (I secretly wished this was my story.)

We even heard of a family–from our agency–that received a referral at the same time we received our referral.  That particular family received a matching gift of $15,000–if they could raise the rest by the end of August.  It didn’t take a month–they received another large gift the very next day…so within 48 hours all of their adoption funds were raised.  (I secretly wished this was my story.)  

Often we want our story to be written differently.  We want our story to be written the way we want it to go.  We want our story to be quick and expedited…on our terms, in our time.  Pain-free and pencil perfect.  But thank goodness this is not how life works.  It would completely take faith and trust out of the equation.  It would certainly be less interesting.  And surprisingly–far less beautiful…  

A few days ago Kylee’s friend Nia dropped off a gift at the house.  It was a cute little plastic purple basket.  Inside was $153.10.  Nia and her sister had done some chores, walked a few dogs, and then baked cookies and made bracelets to sell to family and friends.  All of this to raise money to help our family bring home more friends for her to play with.  It was such a touching moment I was moved to tears.  (As is Kylee…every time she re-tells the story…and she will tell it to anyone who will listen!)
    
What happened Monday night continues to roll around in my head.  Why do I think that it has to be my way?  Why do I think that my life has to be like “hers” or my story needs to go “that” way?  Isn’t it sweeter to have a 7 year old show up with a precious purple basket?  What about my children?  Wasn’t Kylee’s faith exponentially increased to see her friend’s sacrifice and generosity?  Aren’t I limiting God to expect the skies to part or act in some grandiose way when we all know He took a young boy with 2 fish and 5 loaves and fed the multitudes? 

We often tell God how our story should go.  We find it frustrating when it is not written the way we would write it.  I am convinced it is way more beautiful–though terrifying–to surrender our way to His way.  

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  Isaiah 55:8-9

May you Be a Blessing and May You Be Blessed,

Jenni

  

What a whirlwind of a weekend.  Full of faith building moments that culminated with an official court date in September and a little paperwork miracle!

Several friends are working with our family to put on an event to raise funds and celebrate the arrival of the 2 newest Cockerham kids.  One problem:  no venue.  Chris and I began Friday morning praying if an event was a way that He wanted to involve family and friends in our fund raising, that He would need to help us find a spot.   Of course facebook is the place to get ideas for all things from how to get grape juice out of your carpet and where to a find a location that could host several hundred of your friends.  Moments later there were several posts, one of which was conveniently located in Holly Springs.  The sweet couple graciously invited us over that afternoon and showed us around their farm.  We decided it would be a wonderful venue and so we set a date and were off and running.

A few hours later I received a phone call informing us that we had received a court date for guardianship of our kiddos.  Wow.  This meant we had were once again expedited to pull off preparing to travel and fund raise in just a few short weeks.  It also meant that we would be ABSENT from the original date of our planned party–as we would already be in Africa!

But more than the party I was concerned about the paperwork.  Our dossier is about 99% complete but my certified birth certificate is taking its sweet time traveling from IL to NC.  To keep our court date we needed to mail our dossier to UG by Wednesday of this week.  My birth certificate could come now or 2 weeks from now.  I had called and they were unclear what the status was.  Not helpful.  To expedite, it would have been tremendously expensive and honestly still would not have been done by Wednesday.  Once again we prayed.  Saturday we prayed, “Lord if you want us in UG for our court date and don’t want us to reschedule for a later date…please bring the birth certificate via mail today.”   Typically I am NOT a “give me a sign” kinda girl…I don’t think it is fair to God or really how he typically works.  I tabled the b-certificate and decided to compile my dossier and really get it in “good order” to be mailed if by some miracle the b-cert showed up in the mail.  I was going through my gagillion file folders full of random documents and came across about 5 copies of my birth certificate–all photo copies.  I saw one particularly worn looking copy–yellowed–but was still convinced it was a photocopy.   I ran my fingers over the corner and realized it was in fact a CERTIFIED COPY of my birth certificate.  So the postman was not the hero…but God made it clear…we were to prepare for our court date in September.  

One phone call to The Family Farm told us that they were available Labor Day weekend and so with one quick presto chango we are “on” for a party on September 2nd!  I hope you will be able to join us!

I know there are MANY unknowns we will face in UG with the judicial system, paperwork, passports, embassy, and life in Africa.  I have heard that it can be a tremendously awesome and faith-building time.  (Read through this super spiritual wording…a.k.a. SUPER CHALLENGING and STRESSFUL.)   Today looking at the past 48 hours I feel God used these little blocks to build our faith…to remind us that this adventure is far bigger than ourselves…

Thank you for joining us on this adventure.  We are SO grateful for your love, support, and prayers!

May You Be A Blessing and May You Be Blessed!

Jenni 

We have had many good conversations about our plans for bringing our kids’ home.  Questions are asked…”you know there will be a lot of mouths to feed?!”  “Have you really thought through the finances of this endeavor?”  John Franklin will tell you–yes indeed we have.   

We have…but to be honest, when we started this journey, we quickly discovered that adoption costs much more than having a child naturally.  Though the cost is great—we saw so many parallels to God’s heart for us and felt nudged to proceed in faith that He would provide.  We had considered the cost of adding two children to our home but had planned to do extensive fund-raising through applications of grants, etc.  While we have applied for grants and have explored other governmental resources, the speed at which our adoption is taking place is creating a challenge in securing the resources and allowing us to be eligible for most adoption grants.


Up to this point, we have been hesitant in making a public appeal for adoption support. We have had a concern that some would see this as just another cause or special project. Or that it might place a strain on our friendship or strange pressure to give.  This story is intimate for us and I didn’t want to cheapen it by inviting people to “like” it on Facebook!

But as we’ve come closer to the reality of this adoption, my mind has changed. While I never want our kiddos to feel like they are a “cause,” I DO want them to know there is a community of people who believe in them and their bright future. I want our little ones to know from day one that they are not alone. Not only will they have a family, but tons of friends, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, encouragers, and mentors, to be with them in every step of their life journeys.  

We look forward to telling them the stories of a friend who had twin boys and was willing to pass on their clothes so that Joshua and J will be clothed for years to come!  Or of  mattresses shared by friends who were moving or had a spare in their attic.  Or of strong men that came to our house and in what felt a little like extreme home make-over, moved beds to different rooms so that the kiddos would have the perfect place to sleep at night.  I look forward to sharing the stories of those in our “tribe” who have prayed for them before we knew their names.  And I look forward to sharing about the dozens or even hundreds of friends who were willing to sacrifice some of their own resources to bring our little boy and girl home.   

We want our all of our children to know that life is best lived in loving community and relationship.  I can’t think of a better way to model this for them than by including friends and family to join us on our journey–to get a better glimpse of the body of Christ in action. 



May You Be a Blessing and May You Be Blessed!

Jenni and Chris

We are the midst of a major overhaul of our home.  Rooms are shifting around, clothes are being given away if too small, and we have generously received some wonderful new clothes to replace the old.  There is nothing that feels normal about our current state of life–but it is a wonderful chaos.

In the midst of unloading I went through Kylee’s room.  Hers is the most “hoarded” room of the house.  With more things pink, frilly, and impossibly difficult to throw away; because they are either beautiful–she is the keeper of beauty in our home–or lovely hand-made creations.  So I HATE helping her purge because it is painful for us both.  I decided to go through a few things the other day while Kylee was gone and stumbled on a journal that she had written in Kindergarten.  This was what the entry said…

It struck me.  Almost knocked me over.  This 6 year old child who wrote very little throughout the entire book had such a clear clear understanding of who loved her.  Embracing that truth gave her permission to believe that she was lovable.  She loved herself!  And I will go as far as to say that I believe this also will translate, (if it hasn’t already) to a better understanding of the love of a Heavenly Father.  Wow. Amazing.

Now journey with me 7,368.3(ish) miles to Uganda.  Here there are two children that we don’t know but already love, they are waiting for a forever home.  Adoption is one answer to a tragically difficult question.  Right now it is controversial, it can be unethical, and we kept getting tangled in the logistics of the process–wanting not to do more harm than good.  We silenced our internal “nudges” and kept living life.  3 months, 6 months, and 1 year went by.   The nudges became more and more undeniable.  Then we took the very big step of proceeding…with caution…but in faith.  Trusting that what He had begun would be done as prayerfully and ethically as we could possibly navigate.

We quietly, confidentially started the process…knowing it would likely be a lengthy one…only to be expedited by a Power much greater than our own.  With wonderful fall plans of weddings and anniversary trips on the books…we instead will be headed to Uganda.

We are incredibly excited and overwhelmed by what all of this means…but most of all we are thrilled to know that two little ones might learn what Kylee already has–that they are deeply loved.

I hope you will grab a cup of coffee with me as we walk through this next chapter of life together!

May You Be a Blessing and May You Be Blessed!

Jenni