Reflections From My First 20 Days in Africa: This Little Jenni Went to Market…

I remember as a child being told to eat all of my food on my plate because there were starving children in Africa…I had no idea what that really meant.  I had heard of the animals on safari and had seen some of the natural beauty of Africa’s landscape in books.  As an adult I saw pictures of Darfur and read about the walk of the invisible children.    But what of the people, the day to day, what does it look like for an American to visit this place? Africa is very big and Uganda is relatively small.  The glimpses I am seeing are a tiny microcosm of the grander experience of Africa.  I do not pretend to represent all of Africa (or Uganda) in my minute experiences or ramblings.  I find there are so many differences in life here…but also the human heart and common themes and threads remain the same.  My story is personal and I am not traveling deep in to the villages or walking the streets of Kampala (yet).  My journey has been 25 days of life in Fort Portal…but I will never be the same.  
 
This blog’s length became so long that I decided to share it in several installments.  It is written in the way that I have lived life in Africa thus far:  Free falling, blown by the breeze.  Moving in and out of each experience touched by an incredible moment laced with extreme joy or intense pain.  Wondering why things are the way they are, and not being able to do much more than observe.  I might experience an insanely powerful “moment” or connection with Africa or a Ugandan and then am ripped from that moment in to a car that takes me to lunch or to church or to the court house or my guest house.  I might have a heart-wrenching conversation listening to something that someone experienced, and then a child skins a knee and I must run off to kiss the boo boo and wipe the tears of my child.  There is little time for process and there is no way to wrap your mind around it, or tie it in up with a pretty pink bow…

I will ebb and flow in and out of stories that mirror our interactions with life in Africa…nothing will fully make sense as it doesn’t fully to me…and heads up…nothing will end neatly!

I miss proper lighting.  The first time we arrived in the guest house and we were shown our room the manager flipped on the light and I instinctively flipped it off assuming that he had not actually turned on the light.  To my embarrassment–the lighting was just so poor and dim that the light was in fact ON.  I miss bright lights especially at night.  
 
I really wonder how many mzungus (white people) frequent the  particular village market we visited, and specifically how many young Caucasian children?  Tiny children in rags approached and stood inches away from Joshua and Kylee.  A woman in her 90s with no teeth came up and began speaking a mile a minute in Ruturoo gesturing to the heavens and then back at me.   Many people crowded around us to stare, even touch us.  We were the central focus for many people and every movement we made was weighed and measured.  This experience gave me a great appreciation for being different, for looking different, sounding different.  By some, we were misunderstood, pre-judged, possibly even disliked–simply for who we were.  I was grateful and will be grateful for all of these moments in Africa as they will give me an appreciation for all of those who are misunderstood, judged, and discriminated against.  That was not all that was going on in the market.   For the most part, our on lookers made us a spectacle out of genuine curiosity.  People both old and young desired to connect with our family–which is quite humbling.  


The actual “grocery store” that we frequent to pick up water and other fruits and veggies is not much bigger than the Starbucks section at Target.  But “Andrew’s market” has everything from boxed cereal to 5lb bags of garlic.  It has a few trinkets–it is where I found birthday candles, but it also sells flip flops as well as hair products, sippie cups and 1/2 gallons of raw milk.  There is very little rhyme and reason for what is on the shelf or where it is housed.  It is really a tiny tiny version of the grocery store experience in the states…but at the same time, I am betting most of us would never frequent a store of this type or quality in the states.  Yet here we consider it–the best stop–and we are grateful for what we find there each week!

Today we traveled down to the bottom of the hill where we were on a mission to find orange fanta and popcorn.  (It is Joshua’s official 5th birthday and since Chris didn’t fly out we watched a movie and ate popcorn and drank orange fanta.)   The wooden structures which appear from the outside to be poorly constructed tool sheds have dirt floors and a few “specialty” items on the inside.  The first shop had fanta.   After some significant language barriers and much waving and pointing we received five 20oz drinks for $4.00.   We then wandered in to a shop that looked like it had baked goods.  Inside were little bags of popcorn hanging on rusty pole.  We motioned for those and held out 5 fingers and then asked how much it would cost?  With no answer she started to make change…several minutes later she came back with loads of change.  We asked for 5 more bags and she ended up charging us 600 shillings for 10 bags of popcorn.  She did not inflate the price for the mzungus but sold us the popcorn for a whopping 3-4 cents per bag.   I love interacting with the people who live here in Fort Portal and wish I could better know them, their hearts and their lives.  Today we shared a moment, a few shillings, and very broken communication.   Polite gestures and smiles.  I hope they knew how much I appreciated their service and though our lives and livelihood look vastly different–I deeply believe that the common threads of life are not woven from a different loom. 

Blessings from Uganda,

Jenni 

 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

The Tube Ride of Our Life

Our trip to Uganda took two overnight back to back flights to travel from DC to UG.  We left at 8:30pm and arrived in London at 9:00am the next day.  We then had a full 12 hour lay over in London and decided to make the most of it by taking the kids to tour this historical city.  To save money we decided to use the “tube” for our transit to and from the airport as well as travel throughout the city.  A full day pass was quite inexpensive compared the the cool big red buses or a super fast trip on the Heathrow Express.  The Tube for those of you who are unfamiliar is quite clean and we felt very safe traveling from the airport to the center of the city.  On the way from the airport to the center of the city, our children (quite jet lagged) took a 30 minute nap and it proved to be a wonderful experience.

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We are Headed to the Hospital

Chris and I watched a few minutes of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” last night.   I laughed out loud at the “dude’s group.”  The movie captures a lot of what I experienced while expecting.   This time around I definitely appreciated the paranoia of the home study visit…I plan to watch the rest tonight but I will cry (as I did the last time) during the Ethiopian adoption ceremony. 

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False Labor

My first 3 babies came early.   

 Joshua was almost 3 weeks early.  Glory.  

I was never very good at waiting while pregnant.  Okay that is a bit of an understatement.   When we entered the last few weeks of pregnancy I ate pineapple, copious amounts of Mexican food, took long walks several times a day, jumped rope–yep–you read that right, drank gallons of raspberry tea, and employed a husband’s preferred method to bring about labor.  Pretty much if Google suggested it–I tried it…sans the caster oil…drinking black tar was going a bit too far even for me!

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Sun, Rain, and Ramblings Down the Rabbit Hole

There have been several thoughts bouncing around in my brain for weeks now.  Thoughts I have wondered out loud but mostly kept to myself. 

If you are ready for your head to spin a bit then come along down the rabbit hole.  Please know that like Alice, I do not fully understand all that I am saying and don’t pretend to understand what sometimes in this life feels like a dream–and at other times feels like a nightmare.  This is my very reason for my writing…

Monday night several friends hosted a wonderful “bon voyage” fund raising party for our family.  It was a night I will never forget–with a farm full of people that we love…lots of laughter, hay rides, food, and fun.  All weekend long Monday nights’ weather forecast was calling for RAIN.  All weekend long I refused to look at the reports.  It was a rain or shine event but there were not indoor accommodations so it would have really effected our guest list (never mind the over all mood) had there been showers or a downpour.  As of 12pm–Chris mentioned that it was calling for rain at 4pm.  (The start time of the party.)   One of the hosts came to help with my kids around 1:30pm and said, “it smells like rain.”   The rest of the day is history.  NO RAIN.   As a matter of fact there was not a cloud in the sky! 

At some point I wanted to stop and say, “has ANYONE noticed there has been NO RAIN today?”  My team of friends who hosted noticed.  They had been praying along with me…they knew what Greg Ficshel was saying.  At some point I had emailed our tribe of folks who pray for us and for our adoption, I shared with them the weather report and asked them to pray.  My faith exponentially increased after that evening.  It was amazing to see God come through in such a specific way. 

Often after something like this happens the natural response is:  “God is SO good.”  And he is…but would he have still been good if there was a torrential down pour?  Um…yes.  So this is where I start to get tangled up.

I believe that God wants us to pray specific prayers about specific things.  I believe that He wants us to have faith that He has the power to change the weather…or any circumstance for that matter.  Like big bold prayers of healing for family members or friends who are sick.   When our friend is healed–when they miraculously become cancer free we are sealed in our faith and quick to remind others to pray boldly and more specifically–to believe that miracles do happen.  But the crazy hard question is:  what happens when the friend dies?  Often our faith can become fractured.  Confused.  Isn’t God able…then why doesn’t He?   I know because I have faltered in my faith over this very type of pain. 

I realized recently in my prayer life that I desire to pray big bold prayers…but even subconsciously I hesitate.  I hate to ask God something that is out of his “will” or ask “too much” because ultimately I have decided I am going to follow and love him no matter the outcome.  (Like Peter I ask: “to whom shall I go?”)  But to me–it seems a tad safer to state my request with a BIG open-ended understanding that no matter what–I trust His answer–which may be very different than what I asked.  So I’ve notice that I lean toward the less-specific…it creates far less opportunity for my hopes to be dashed–and I have to do very little PR for God if he doesn’t “come through” the way I want or need him to.

But here’s the thing.  God doesn’t need me to do His PR.   Rain or shine it’s not my job to explain the circumstances away.  And less than 12 hours after our amazing sun-filled festivities ended–we received an email explaining that our court case had been pulled from the docket.  Youch.  Not forever…and not because of any details of the case–but because the judges are shifting and new judges are taking over jurisdictions.  (This is more complicated than I care to explain in this blog.)   Having said this we have tickets and are prepared to leave next Wednesday for UG.  What happens next is my choice.  Do I get really angry and bitter?  Do I get depressed or start to question and doubt that this is supposed to happen?  Do I go to worst case scenario?  Or do I pray big miracle prayers that somehow they sort through the details and we are still given a case close to our original date?  Do I pray that our flight can stay the same–saving us money on cancellation fees–AND we get to meet our children sooner?  Or do I listen to the words–“long court delays, slim chance” and other reports that are being given?   In other words–do I watch the weather report and worry–or do I pray and wait for sun?  Whew.  This another level of faith for me. 

I am continuing to pack.  I am continuing to pray.  I am continuing to hope that somehow–a miracle within the courts will occur and we will keep our appointments.   Instead of wanting to get in to God’s head and figure it all out–what it means that it was cancelled–what it means if it is not rescheduled in time… I am going to pray in faith for sunshine.  I am going to pray for a NEW court date…with the same judge…SOON.  A friend keeps reminding me that God is in the details…so I am going to pray specific detailed prayers and would love for you to join me. 

If it rains–it rains.  If we don’t go to court for 2 more months–then we don’t.  God is still good. 

A friend of mine who has traversed some deep waters in her young life inspires me often.  Her caringbridge entries are worth reading from beginning to end.  This specific entry is extremely inspiring as she asks/answers matters of the heart and speaks of how to live in the pain or disappointment of this world. 

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mikesweeney/journal/4/0

If you are still with me–thanks for letting me write–it truly is a place of healing and respite. 

We welcome your prayers…they are sustaining us and we feel them.

May You Be a Blessing and May You Be Blessed,

Jenni

The Purple Basket

The moment we received our referral we went in to hyper “nesting” mode…we started rushing around preparing our home and hearts for two more children.  In this process we started shifting bedrooms, reading loads of research about bonding and attachment, and devoting all of our mental energy in to being a home of 7.

We also realized that some of the financing of this adoption would be done differently than we had anticipated. As I mentioned in an earlier blog–we had planned to apply for many grants, and hoped to fund most of our adoption in this way.  The timing and quickness of our referral AND our court date has really limited our time frame to receive these types of grants.  We had heard of families that had raised their entire adoption with grants.    I love the idea of not being a burden on anyone!  (I secretly wished this was my story.)

We even heard of a family–from our agency–that received a referral at the same time we received our referral.  That particular family received a matching gift of $15,000–if they could raise the rest by the end of August.  It didn’t take a month–they received another large gift the very next day…so within 48 hours all of their adoption funds were raised.  (I secretly wished this was my story.)  

Often we want our story to be written differently.  We want our story to be written the way we want it to go.  We want our story to be quick and expedited…on our terms, in our time.  Pain-free and pencil perfect.  But thank goodness this is not how life works.  It would completely take faith and trust out of the equation.  It would certainly be less interesting.  And surprisingly–far less beautiful…  

A few days ago Kylee’s friend Nia dropped off a gift at the house.  It was a cute little plastic purple basket.  Inside was $153.10.  Nia and her sister had done some chores, walked a few dogs, and then baked cookies and made bracelets to sell to family and friends.  All of this to raise money to help our family bring home more friends for her to play with.  It was such a touching moment I was moved to tears.  (As is Kylee…every time she re-tells the story…and she will tell it to anyone who will listen!)
    
What happened Monday night continues to roll around in my head.  Why do I think that it has to be my way?  Why do I think that my life has to be like “hers” or my story needs to go “that” way?  Isn’t it sweeter to have a 7 year old show up with a precious purple basket?  What about my children?  Wasn’t Kylee’s faith exponentially increased to see her friend’s sacrifice and generosity?  Aren’t I limiting God to expect the skies to part or act in some grandiose way when we all know He took a young boy with 2 fish and 5 loaves and fed the multitudes? 

We often tell God how our story should go.  We find it frustrating when it is not written the way we would write it.  I am convinced it is way more beautiful–though terrifying–to surrender our way to His way.  

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord Isaiah 55:8-9

May you Be a Blessing and May You Be Blessed,

Jenni

  


Building Blocks…

What a whirlwind of a weekend.  Full of faith building moments that culminated with an official court date in September and a little paperwork miracle!

Several friends are working with our family to put on an event to raise funds and celebrate the arrival of the 2 newest Cockerham kids.  One problem:  no venue.  Chris and I began Friday morning praying if an event was a way that He wanted to involve family and friends in our fund raising, that He would need to help us find a spot.   Of course facebook is the place to get ideas for all things from how to get grape juice out of your carpet and where to a find a location that could host several hundred of your friends.  Moments later there were several posts, one of which was conveniently located in Holly Springs.  The sweet couple graciously invited us over that afternoon and showed us around their farm.  We decided it would be a wonderful venue and so we set a date and were off and running.

A few hours later I received a phone call informing us that we had received a court date for guardianship of our kiddos.  Wow.  This meant we had were once again expedited to pull off preparing to travel and fund raise in just a few short weeks.  It also meant that we would be ABSENT from the original date of our planned party–as we would already be in Africa!

But more than the party I was concerned about the paperwork.  Our dossier is about 99% complete but my certified birth certificate is taking its sweet time traveling from IL to NC.  To keep our court date we needed to mail our dossier to UG by Wednesday of this week.  My birth certificate could come now or 2 weeks from now.  I had called and they were unclear what the status was.  Not helpful.  To expedite, it would have been tremendously expensive and honestly still would not have been done by Wednesday.  Once again we prayed.  Saturday we prayed, “Lord if you want us in UG for our court date and don’t want us to reschedule for a later date…please bring the birth certificate via mail today.”   Typically I am NOT a “give me a sign” kinda girl…I don’t think it is fair to God or really how he typically works.  I tabled the b-certificate and decided to compile my dossier and really get it in “good order” to be mailed if by some miracle the b-cert showed up in the mail.  I was going through my gagillion file folders full of random documents and came across about 5 copies of my birth certificate–all photo copies.  I saw one particularly worn looking copy–yellowed–but was still convinced it was a photocopy.   I ran my fingers over the corner and realized it was in fact a CERTIFIED COPY of my birth certificate.  So the postman was not the hero…but God made it clear…we were to prepare for our court date in September.  

One phone call to The Family Farm told us that they were available Labor Day weekend and so with one quick presto chango we are “on” for a party on September 2nd!  I hope you will be able to join us!

I know there are MANY unknowns we will face in UG with the judicial system, paperwork, passports, embassy, and life in Africa.  I have heard that it can be a tremendously awesome and faith-building time.  (Read through this super spiritual wording…a.k.a. SUPER CHALLENGING and STRESSFUL.)   Today looking at the past 48 hours I feel God used these little blocks to build our faith…to remind us that this adventure is far bigger than ourselves…

Thank you for joining us on this adventure.  We are SO grateful for your love, support, and prayers!

May You Be A Blessing and May You Be Blessed!

Jenni